Pi(e) Day 2010

Perhaps you have been feeling a void in your life lately and thinking "Gee, it's been a while since those gals at the Stoned Soup Club made up a wicked awesome holiday..." well friends, we are one step ahead of you, except that the holiday already happened and I have been lazy about posting so in fact we are probably a step behind. Know that this is only because the SS Club has a lot of things in the works for the month of April, and our energies have been devoted elsewhere-- more on this soon.

Speaking of March, what a long pointless month! No long weekends, 31 days of heartbreaking

fake out almost-spring weather, and aside from St. Patrick's day, nary a holiday in sight. That is until we combined out love of pie with our hazy memory of high school mathematics and Eureeka! Pi(e) day was born. We have set aside 3.14 (March 14th) to be an annual celebration of eating pies and we set the bar with our first one.

On the menu were 2 savory pies (a vegetable pot pie courtesy of Vegetarian Times and a mushroom and goat cheese pie made up by mac whose recipe follows below) and 2 sweet pies (vegan chocolate with a granola crust, and a heavenly apple cream pie made by

some SS Club associates). But the true beauty of pie day is that you can never have too much! Pi is an infinite number.

Other things that make a party fun: having a crafty project for your guests. We cut a bunch of pie-wedge style flags out of brown paper bags, invited guests to decorate them, and then sewed them together lickety split to create these charming banners. Particular love goes out to an SS Club favorite who took the time to look up Pi online and wrote out as many decimal places as would fit on his wedge. Which also caused us to realize that the 5th year anniversary of Pi(e) day will be 3.14 2015, and you may or may not know that the next two digits of pi are? Yep, 3.1415. We have already dubbed this highly anticipated future event Super Pi(e) day. Where will YOU be on future 3.14s? Hopefully taking some time out from the middle of a tedious month to celebrate the fact that winter is almost over, and eat some delicious pie with friends.

Mushroom Goat Cheese Pie

Crust: Okay, so I think the reason that a lot of people get intimidated by pie-making is the crust. It seems like such a process to make one, but let's face it, store-bought crusts are a cop out and

you know it. And home made crusts are really a lot easier than you think. Here's all you need:

2 sticks of butter, really cold, cut into small chunks

2 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp sugar

1 tsp salt

a few tablespoons of ICE COLD water. I am serious. put some ice cubes in a cup of water.

rolling pin

wax paper

Why all this

coldness? Because the secret to a good flaky pie crust is to not work up the gluten in the flour, and keeping all things cold (plus handling the dough as little as possible) will keep that gluten at bay.

Combine the sugar, salt, and flour in a bowl.

Add your chunks of butter to the flour, crumbling it together with you hands. Some people use a pastry-cutter type tool for this. If you have one, knock yourself out. But as we like to say in our kitchens "Hey, fingers work just fine!" Try not to knead the butter and flour too much, in fact it is okay if there are some small lumps of butter still left in tact, but you do want it to be mixed pretty well before adding your ice water, a table spoon at a time-- less water also equals lower gluten work up, and a dryer, flakier dough. You don't want your dough to be sticky, it makes the next step trickier.

The Next Step:

Divide your dough into equal portions. Place one on a sheet of waxed paper, then cover with an equal-sized sheet of wax paper. Use your rolling pin to smooth the dough out evenly between the pieces of wax paper. (It is a fun under-the-influence activity to control the direction the dough spreads in via the power of your mighty rolling pin, but again, we urge you to not get too wrapped up in this and discover that you have spent the last 20 minutes rolling the dough into a layer so thin that you can see through it)

Set aside the dough still within it's wax paper (in a fridge is ideal) and give portion #2 the same treatment.

Remove the half you first set aside in the fridge, peel one side of the wax paper off carefully, flip the exposed-dough side down into your pie pan, and peel off the other layer of wax paper. There are all manner of techniques to make the edges of your crust pretty. I like to just roll the dough up so that it is all on the edge of the pie pan (not hanging over the sides) and then pinch it between my fingers at regular intervals.

The second layer that you set aside will eventually become the top layer of crust after you have added your filling. Usually I like to get the bottom crust installed in the pan, then put it all back in the fridge to deal with the filling knowing that the stressful part is over.

The beauty of pie is that you can fill it with whatever the ding dang dong you want! For this recipe I sauteed a bunch of shitake, porcini, and white mushrooms in some butter with an onion, thyme, rosemary, sage, salt, and pepper. I also added a splash of sherry. Mmm. Mushrooms release a lot of water as they cook, so don't be afraid to cook them uncovered even if they seem dry at first. Also, let them stand for a few minutes and cool before pouring it all into your crust.

Once you have filled your pie crust with mushroomy goodness, top with some medallions of goat cheese, and the top layer of crust. Bake it at 350 for 25ish minutes.

Eat with pride that you have mastered the elusive (but not really that complicated) art of the crust.

*A final serving suggestion: yes, pie on its own is awesome, but pie with mashed potatoes is even better. Ours were roasted garlic and we threw in a sweet potato, too.

The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili, and 101 Things to Do With the Leftovers

I LOVE spicy food. And when I say spicy, I mean like, really spicy. Like flaming hot, nose dripping, eyes watering, spicy. You ever see that episode of the Simpsons with the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers? That kind of spicy. Honestly, I find it cathartic. After a good spicy meal I feel so cleansed and refreshed, like everything unpleasant has been just purged from my body. It was this love that caused me to search for, and perfect, The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili.

This recipe is an optimal cure for the winter blues, when you just can't seem to get warm no matter how hard you try. But in general it's good anytime, and will fill you up like no other vegetarian meal can. It will also greatly impress die hard meat eaters, as it tastes almost identical as normal chili, but substantially less greasy. There are a few things to note on this recipe:

1. The recipe, as written, produces a VERY spicy chili. My introduction is no joke. So if you think you are less brave than myself, replace the Habanero pepper with a slightly less powerful pepper, such as Jalapeno's. Also, when cutting the Habanero, be sure to wash your hands afterward!! I cannot stress this enough. I once forgot to heed this advice. Sometime later, while cooking, I encountered an itchy eye. Obviously, I scratched it. Let me tell you....Habanero juice + eyeballs= excruciating pain for hours. So be a good chef and wash your hands, and probably your cutting board/knife as well.

2. This recipe, as written, produces a LOT of chili. The first time I made it I was shocked at how much it turned out to be, as it practically reached the brim of my biggest soup pot. So be ready with something big to cook this in. For this reason I have added a special section in the end for what to do with all your tasty leftovers, which have historically lasted me over 2 weeks.

3. Lastly, this recipe, as written, is in conjunction with MY taste. I know there are definitely other things people add to chili, such as celery, but to be honest I downright loathe celery, so I don't include it in mine. It sounds selfish, but I cook for me, and if you want some too, awesome, but it's going to have the stuff I like in it. So feel free to add or take away any of the vegetables listed, and I'm sure it will still taste just as good; it's really the spices that make it what it is.

Without further ado, the recipe:


The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili (or, as I have dubbed it, Vegetarian Insanity Chili™)

You will need:

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1 green bell pepper chopped
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
  
• 1 Habanero pepper, chopped
• 1 large portobello mushroom cap
• 2 carrots, chopped
  
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 (12 ounce) package vegetarian burger crumbles
• 3 (28 ounce) cans whole peeled tomatoes, chopped by hand
  
• 1/4 cup chili powder
• 1 tablespoon ground black pepper
• 1 (15 ounce) can kidney beans, drained
• 1 (15 ounce) can garbanzo beans, drained
• 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, drained
  
• 1 (15 ounce) can whole kernel corn

1. Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Stir in the onion, and season with bay leaves, cumin, oregano, and salt. Cook and stir until onion is tender, then mix in all peppers, carrots, and garlic. When vegetables are heated through, mix in chopped mushroom and vegetarian burger crumbles. Reduce heat to low, cover pot, and simmer 5 minutes.
2. Mix the tomatoes into the pot. Season with chili powder and pepper. Stir in the kidney beans, garbanzo beans, and black beans. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer 45 minutes, stirring frequently.
   
3. Stir in the corn, and continue cooking 5 minutes before serving. Allow 5 minutes to cool. Best served with Hungry Ghost Bread, a delightful Northampton business that the SS Club basically couldn't live without.
   

So now you and your 6 friends are full of spicy vegetarian goodness, but you still have half a large soup pot leftover. What to do?! Fret not, as we have encountered this problem many times and have come up with many a fantastic solution. We may not actually have 101 suggestions, but I'm sure the ones we do will help you polish off the remainder.

1. Chili Eggs- My personal favorite leftover recipe. Crack 2 and 1/2 eggs for every person you are feeding into a bowl. For 2-4 people, add 1/2 cup of chili directly into the bowl. For 4+, try 2/3 cup. Drop a handful of shredded cheddar cheese also into the bowl, and mix well. Fry up with a tablespoon of olive oil, and you will have a serious breakfast on your hands.

2. Vegetarian Chili Dogs- Like what you can buy off a guy on a NYC street with a cart, only healthier. We recommend Smart Dogs as the superior fake-hot dog brand. Just heat up a bit of chili in the microwave, slather on top of your hot dog, and enjoy.

3. Chili Cheese Fries- 2am? Stoned? Starving? Just throw some french fries into the oven, and top with heated chili and cheese. You will be a very happy camper.


Now go forth and make chili. But if you find yourself running around your kitchen in desperate need for a glass of water, don't say I didn't warn you. Wimp.

-Nikki

Stoned Secret #3

"Make Lists"

Most stoners have terrible memories. You know it, I know, we all know it. It's an inevitability that we smokers have accepted. But you do not need to take this downside lying, well, down. Make lists! Always carry a pad and paper with you, or for the technology savvy who are fortunate enough to own phones with a notepad features, those will absolutely do in a pinch. So many fabulous ideas have come to us during a smoke session, and so many of those ideas have left shortly after. Writing things down help you remember them, and it will give us potheads a good name when we can actually recall the things we're supposed to.

Recycled Romance

So I'm just going to admit that I am a big fan of Valentine's Day. Now woa there, before you get all "It's just a commercialized excuse to make single people feel bad and couples spend money" on me, let me state that I reject all of that stuff. What I love is a holiday all about paper crafts, flowers, making things, telling people you love them, and possibly eating some chocolate along the way. It is essentially a holiday that sums up how I think the world should be. Also, fun fact: in medieval times people thought Valentine's day was the point in the spring when birds chose their mates. I love birds! I love mating! Anyway...

This year I am especially pleased with my valentines. I started by selecting a choice used romance novel, in this case Star by Danielle Steele. Thanks, Ms. Steele, and please do not be offended by my repurposing of your work. Using a template, I traced and cut a fat stack of hearts out of the torn out pages, then sewed them together using red and hot pink thread. I love how if you look at the hearts up close you can pick out some delightful romance-novelly phrases. The red thread has significance, too, based on a Chinese belief that people whose lives are destined to be connected are joined together by a red thread.

Hint: if you leave 6-10 inches of thread on the ends of your heart garland you can display it by wrapping each side around a nail and it becomes a decoration that will outlast the actual holiday.

No matter what your feelings on Valentine's day, nothing says love like handmade

--mac

Not Your Mother's Birthday Cake.

I've been making totally bizarro cakes long before I did any drugs. This art form didn't come out of me one day after a round of knife hits, but back in the days when I was still clear headed and innocent. I'd like to think it's been there all along, and something just needed to coax it out. That person was my best friend Justin.

Now I could probably write a novel on how awesome Justin is and why I love him, but in an effort to save time I'll just give you what you need to know: He's the best guy ever, if you don't know him well, your life probably sucks because of it.

Justin have been my best friend since I've been a freshman in high school. When his birthday had rolled around that year I decided that I wanted to make him something food related, because, if you know Justin, you know he is the one man for whom it is physically possible to eat continuously forever and ever. It's true. I've seen it.

I decided to make him a cake, and the idea stuck me to make a cake that looked like him. At the time he had the most ridiculously awesome 1 foot tall green mohawk, which we occasionally spiked with glitter glue. His face on a cake would look PERFECT. After attempting to draw endless stencils so that I might carve out a silhouette on a sheet cake, I realized I can't draw worth crap, and looked to other options. At Michael's Craft Store I found a mold for a 3d round cake, and the idea just snowballed from there. I baked the round cake, cut it and half and put it flat side down on a plate. I had his head. I baked a separate sheet cake and cut out triangular pieces, frosted them green, and had them run across the top of the head using toothpicks. I had the mohawk. I put some googly eyes on it, and nose, and Hot Damn! It looked like Justin. He loved the hell out of that thing, and ate every bite of it. I know picture proof of it exists somewhere, and once I find it, it will surely be posted here.

Our next project occurred 2 years later, for our friend Mike's Birthday. We were throwing him a surprise party at Justin's house while his parents were out of town (ahh our devious high school ways....expect for the fact that there was definitely no booze, and a ton of video games instead...so, not really). Mike loved He Man, so we decided his cake should include that. After going to Big Y and realizing the bakery did not make He Man cakes for kids, understandably so seeing as we were about 10 years too late for that fad, it dawned on us. A cake is just a big canvas. We could buy action figures and plastic trees and animals and make our own He Man cake! Brilliant!

Being cheap as we were at the time, we stopped at the local Dollar Store in hopes of finding He Man there. Of course he wasn't, as well as any other copyrighted character, but we did stumble upon something else. The Dollar Store had a cake decorating section, and in there was a package of babies. Tiny, plastic babies. For baby showers I'm sure....but we had other plans. We didn't know what that was, but we were confident in figuring it out. We procured a real He Man action figure from a real toy store, got some multicolored frosting, and went home to create.

Now I don't remember whose idea it was. But all of a sudden it was clear as day: He Man and the Day of Total Baby Destruction. We perched He Man in the middle of his battlefield, and in his fist he's clutching a tiny baby. We spent over an hour using steak knives to dismember the package of babies in various ways, sprinkling the limbs over our canvass. My favorite part was the "Happy Birthday Mike" written connected in blood, aka red cake gel, which is all connected to a dying baby crawling away from the scene with no legs.

If at this point you find yourself offended, I advise you to hit your "Back" button now.

Mike was speechless. I've never seen someone so happy about their birthday cake in my life. We didn't know it then, but we started something in my mind that day. Flash forward 7 years later, and it's Justin's birthday again. The Stoned Soup Club had taken it upon themselves to provide the cake, and Mac and I were brainstorming on what to do. All of a sudden I remembered what we had done in high school, and that we should bring that back. So we got in my car and went on a bone cruise to the Haven of Good Ideas, the Dollar Store. I had a theory about how the whole bizarro cake producing process worked, now that we were old enough to have been exposed to the wonderful world of drugs. Get high, and wander around the toy/cake decorating section aimlessly until the idea comes to you. Turns out, I was right. Worked every time.

For his birthday, we ended up with this lovely gem, titled "Creationism vs Evolution":


Yes, those are dinosaurs, and yes, they are eating bibles. The bibles we found were blank, so we gave a bunch of them out as assignments for the project to write something good on the inside. I don't remember any of them except "On the 8th day, he partied", but trust me, they were good. Now its hard to see on this, but behind the cactus and sign there is one dinosaur eating the other, which was included because we thought it looked too much like Science was trumping Religion, and we wanted to be diplomatic about the whole argument, so we added some inter species violence to balance things out. Also note the "Chicken vs Egg" debate in the lower right, which was inspired from a fast food play set. Since when are fried eggs fast food BTW? And PS, this is all much funnier if you know that Justin is actually Jewish.

For Mac's most recent birthday, I constructed "Fantasy Character Birthday Rave in G Minor":


I used glowsticks to form Mac's first initial, which I was secretly terrified was going to unbeknown to us leak in the cake and kill everyone who ate it. But we're all still here, so whatever. That's Noah and his Wife in the back right getting it on, very much included in my "Fantasy Character" category. Take that religion. That's Megavolt from Darkwing Duck in your bottom left, having a grand old time by himself. We won't get into what's going on with Buzz and Woody. We've got some potential bestiality in the back as Goofy gives it a shot with the princess. All topped off with enough pacifiers and fuzzy teddy bears for all of our rolling friends. Also, I just really love those candles. The cake is from a box, but the frosting was homemade Kahlua Chocolate Buttercream*.

Lastly, for my recent birthday Mac made the aptly titled "Zombie Apocalypse Disrupts the Royal Honeymoon":


The teeth....so perfect.

While it seems like a potentially difficult task, making your own bizarro cake is really easy. The Dollar Store is your friend. As you walk up and down the aisles and see things you like, grab them. It doesn't matter if they fit together, you can make them fit later (See above, Dinosaurs and Bibles). The theme doesn't necessarily have to fit the personality of the person your making it for, but should at least match their sense of humor. Also, wash these things before they go on the cake, because you do NOT know where they've been.

In general, just have fun with it! The said birthday person will appreciate the hard work, and will never forget that time you made them the cake that included both He Man AND dismembered children.


Kahlua Chocolate Buttercream Frosting:

• 6 Tbsp butter
• 1 lb. powdered sugar
• 3 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
• 4 Tbsp. Kahlua
• 2-3 Tbsp. hot coffee

In large bowl, cream together butter and powdered sugar. Add cocoa powder, Kahlua and hot coffee. Beat until smooth.

Stoned Secret #2

"Nature Documentaries."

Great under most circumstances (except the ones about snakes, which freak me out) they are even better after enjoying some of nature's other greenery. What could be more fitting than sitting back and marveling at the amazing world around us from the comfort of a futon?

Particular favorites beyond Planet Earth, the holy grail of nature documentaries, include:

Blue Planet (the ocean! It's weird and mysterious!)

Winged Migration

Life in the Freezer (the Arctic! It's cold and we're glad we don't live there!)

David Attenborough's Life of Birds

Anything BBC

Throwing A Party To Remember...Well, For the Most Part.

I never leave my birthday up to chance. I am on the lookout for any and every excuse to party, so when my birthday time starts to roll around, well, Carpe Natalis. (Seize the birthday? Ha. That might be right. Who knows. Or cares.) Anyway. This year was no exception to that rule. I was turning 25, and I was not about to take it sitting down. If I have to transfer to a new age box, I'm going to throw one hell of a party to ring it all in.

I would hate for this to sound at all selfish. I don't think that because it's my birthday, everyone I know has the duty and obligation to celebrate the fact I was born. For me, I just want to spend my birthday with all the people I love in one room. I don't necessarily want it to be all about me, but about everyone, having a good time and being together. Sometimes people just need an excuse to party, so I use my birthday as that excuse. This year, I cleverly schemed up what sounded like a potentially kick ass party. My past 2 years of birthdays have been exponentially awesome, and I was looking to top myself. I implored the use of the Banquet Room at the restaurant I work at, and proposed them a business deal. I pick a day the room has nothing going on, I book a bunch of bands, advertise the crap out of it, and the restaurant cashes in on my drunk friends on a night where it would have made $0 anyway. They agreed, and since my manager is the man I even got the room for free, and all door proceeds were allowed to go to the bands. I now had a place and an idea, it just all needed to come to fruition.

Thankfully, as mentioned in previous posts, all of our friends are in at least one band, so getting people to play was not difficult. I asked around, and soon I had 4 of the best bands in town all on one line up. But, something was missing. The show was going to be good, but what would make it GREAT? I began to think of that one band that could bring it all together. The one band I truly wanted to see play, but don't often get to. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Many years ago, I had friends in a band called the American Business Machines. They were, in ever aspect of the definition, Punk Rock. They played it, and even more importantly, they lived it. Their past includes starting a full scale riot in a club (where the singer punched a bouncer, was thrown through a window, and from that night on music at that club was banned), they have thrown fried chicken at the audience, thrown their equipment at the audience, they have beaten each other up on stage, and that's just the tip of the iceberg for their career. Their fan base was out of control. These were guys that knew how to party, and I wanted them at mine. They were no longer a band, haven't been for years, but after asking them all in my sweetest voice to play a reunion show at my party, because it was just simply all I wanted for my birthday, and spending weeks egging them on, they agreed to play.

From then on it was easy. Make some awesome fliers, such as:
(Note the use of Life Magazines cut outs from the 1960's. A Stoned Soup Favorite)

Hang them around town. Talk up the show to friends, neighbors, anyone who will listen. Facebook event invites (because who isn't on that contraption now a days?).

In the end, the party was a GIANT success. All the bands played amazingly, the American Business Machines lived up their reputation (the bassist had drank so much cough syrup before the show he could barely stand up, but not ONCE did he actually stop playing because of it), tons of people showed up, nobody broke anything or got drunk enough to be thrown out, the bands got paid, the bar raked it in, and the after party was just big enough to still be a party, but small enough to not attract any unwanted attention. I couldn't have asked for better.

The topic of this blog occurred to me towards the end of the evening. Throughout the night I had many people coming up to me, congratulating me on the success of the event, asking what my secret was to throwing such great parties. As per usual, I just blushed and said something about being lucky. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it has nothing to do with luck. There are many tactics I've enacted over the years to throw a successful party (birthday or any other occasion), and I am going to share these with you today. So, without further ado:

"Throwing A Party to Remember..Well, For the Most Part."

1. "Be the kind of person people would want to celebrate with and for." This may sound weird, like I'm telling you how to live your life, but in essence this rule is very simple: Just don't be an asshole. If you're the kind of person people like, they will want to celebrate with you.The Stoned Soup Club is a strong advocate of the "treat others how they would like to be treated" way of life. Be a good person, do things to let your friends know how much they mean to you, these are the things that will later ensure that your birthday is happy and fun. Also, be a fun person to party with. Know how to handle your alcohol so that you don't get sloppy and annoying, but have the stamina to drink slowly all night and be awake as long as everyone else, if not longer. This is a finely tuned skill I minored in during college, and if you can pull it off, you'll be a hit.

2. "Think big." Always reach for the stars. Maybe your house only holds a small number of people? Then do it somewhere else! Sure, you could spend a nice quiet evening alone with a handful of your nearest and dearest, but you can do that any day of this week. This is a party! Make it one. Look to friends with bigger houses than you (in this case you MUST show up early to set up, keep an eye out during the evening for potential looters/drunk destroyers, and clean up the next day). Or look to venues you can rent out, so the cleaning and destruction is someone else's problem. Just make sure wherever you're planning has the capacity for a bigger than average get together, with extra room for people you never expected to show up, because people will certainly do that.

3. "Keep it local." Unfortunately, Northampton is a very inward-focused town. No one ever wants to leave, no matter the reason. Leaving town means driving, driving means less drinking, and overall that will not win many people over. So keep your event as local as possible to your largest base of friends, and the people will follow.

4. "Have something 'happening' at your party." It's not like people need an excuse to party, but they'd like one, and maybe it being YOUR birthday isn't quite enough. Give them a real solid reason to show up. Book bands. Organize a beer pong tournament. Play drunken laser tag. Make it a costume party and give it a theme (some personal favorites of mine from college are "Rockstars and Groupies" and "White Trash or Lotsa Cash". People can drink anywhere, at any time, but only at YOUR party will they have en excuse to dress like Zombie John Lennon while taking those tequila shots.

5. "Give people time to get excited." If you want a hype to build up around your festivities, you need to give it time for that to happen. You can't send the Facebook invite out 2 days before and expect people to show up. Start thinking about your strategy a month in advance. Once you've got a solid plan, send out invites and such 3 weeks before. 2 weeks before, you can start casually mentioning it in social situations (but don't be annoying, there is a fine line here). The week of, if the party is on a Saturday for example, start reminding people on Wednesday. The day before, talk the shit out of it. Same goes for the day of.

6. "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best." In the back of my mind, I was completely ready for the Business Machines to not show up and play. Maybe one of them gets arrested, gets lost, passes out, who knows, but all 4 of them not showing up was ALWAYS a possibility in my mind. Which is why I had my friend who was a DJ set his things up. If all the bands show up and play and he only spins for 30 minutes, so be it and we dance for 30 minutes. Should a band not make it, he can spin for an hour, and at least something will be happening. We all want our party to turn out successful. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But at least you're prepared for every outcome.

That's about it. Stick with me, and people will be talking for days afterward about how great YOUR event was. Well, what they can remember of it anyway.

-Nikki