The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili, and 101 Things to Do With the Leftovers

I LOVE spicy food. And when I say spicy, I mean like, really spicy. Like flaming hot, nose dripping, eyes watering, spicy. You ever see that episode of the Simpsons with the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers? That kind of spicy. Honestly, I find it cathartic. After a good spicy meal I feel so cleansed and refreshed, like everything unpleasant has been just purged from my body. It was this love that caused me to search for, and perfect, The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili.

This recipe is an optimal cure for the winter blues, when you just can't seem to get warm no matter how hard you try. But in general it's good anytime, and will fill you up like no other vegetarian meal can. It will also greatly impress die hard meat eaters, as it tastes almost identical as normal chili, but substantially less greasy. There are a few things to note on this recipe:

1. The recipe, as written, produces a VERY spicy chili. My introduction is no joke. So if you think you are less brave than myself, replace the Habanero pepper with a slightly less powerful pepper, such as Jalapeno's. Also, when cutting the Habanero, be sure to wash your hands afterward!! I cannot stress this enough. I once forgot to heed this advice. Sometime later, while cooking, I encountered an itchy eye. Obviously, I scratched it. Let me tell you....Habanero juice + eyeballs= excruciating pain for hours. So be a good chef and wash your hands, and probably your cutting board/knife as well.

2. This recipe, as written, produces a LOT of chili. The first time I made it I was shocked at how much it turned out to be, as it practically reached the brim of my biggest soup pot. So be ready with something big to cook this in. For this reason I have added a special section in the end for what to do with all your tasty leftovers, which have historically lasted me over 2 weeks.

3. Lastly, this recipe, as written, is in conjunction with MY taste. I know there are definitely other things people add to chili, such as celery, but to be honest I downright loathe celery, so I don't include it in mine. It sounds selfish, but I cook for me, and if you want some too, awesome, but it's going to have the stuff I like in it. So feel free to add or take away any of the vegetables listed, and I'm sure it will still taste just as good; it's really the spices that make it what it is.

Without further ado, the recipe:


The World's Greatest Vegetarian Chili (or, as I have dubbed it, Vegetarian Insanity Chili™)

You will need:

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1 green bell pepper chopped
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
  
• 1 Habanero pepper, chopped
• 1 large portobello mushroom cap
• 2 carrots, chopped
  
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 (12 ounce) package vegetarian burger crumbles
• 3 (28 ounce) cans whole peeled tomatoes, chopped by hand
  
• 1/4 cup chili powder
• 1 tablespoon ground black pepper
• 1 (15 ounce) can kidney beans, drained
• 1 (15 ounce) can garbanzo beans, drained
• 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, drained
  
• 1 (15 ounce) can whole kernel corn

1. Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Stir in the onion, and season with bay leaves, cumin, oregano, and salt. Cook and stir until onion is tender, then mix in all peppers, carrots, and garlic. When vegetables are heated through, mix in chopped mushroom and vegetarian burger crumbles. Reduce heat to low, cover pot, and simmer 5 minutes.
2. Mix the tomatoes into the pot. Season with chili powder and pepper. Stir in the kidney beans, garbanzo beans, and black beans. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer 45 minutes, stirring frequently.
   
3. Stir in the corn, and continue cooking 5 minutes before serving. Allow 5 minutes to cool. Best served with Hungry Ghost Bread, a delightful Northampton business that the SS Club basically couldn't live without.
   

So now you and your 6 friends are full of spicy vegetarian goodness, but you still have half a large soup pot leftover. What to do?! Fret not, as we have encountered this problem many times and have come up with many a fantastic solution. We may not actually have 101 suggestions, but I'm sure the ones we do will help you polish off the remainder.

1. Chili Eggs- My personal favorite leftover recipe. Crack 2 and 1/2 eggs for every person you are feeding into a bowl. For 2-4 people, add 1/2 cup of chili directly into the bowl. For 4+, try 2/3 cup. Drop a handful of shredded cheddar cheese also into the bowl, and mix well. Fry up with a tablespoon of olive oil, and you will have a serious breakfast on your hands.

2. Vegetarian Chili Dogs- Like what you can buy off a guy on a NYC street with a cart, only healthier. We recommend Smart Dogs as the superior fake-hot dog brand. Just heat up a bit of chili in the microwave, slather on top of your hot dog, and enjoy.

3. Chili Cheese Fries- 2am? Stoned? Starving? Just throw some french fries into the oven, and top with heated chili and cheese. You will be a very happy camper.


Now go forth and make chili. But if you find yourself running around your kitchen in desperate need for a glass of water, don't say I didn't warn you. Wimp.

-Nikki